You know those Facebook memories that pop up?! Sometimes they are so cute, pictures of my dog when she was pup and didn’t have her old lady whiskers. Pics of my kids, when they were sweeter and didn’t yet have voices of their own. Pictures of our wedding day and honeymoon, pics of that vacation we took a decade ago. You know what else shows up??? Your words……
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A picture may be worth a thousand words but sometimes words are just freaking priceless. I fancy myself a humorist, but sarcasm can be lost, unless it’s spoken and there is some point of reference. I am probably not much better at this than I was a decade ago as a new social media user but I assure you I AM funnier. Parenting naturally turns your life into a comedy show. Being a Mom to 3 kids 7 and under, I’ve shifted from trying to be funny and having something interesting to say-to a stand-up queen simply by sharing a 2 minute interaction at my house any given morning. This morning I literally said these words in a sentence “why are you on the dog kennel with underwear on your head?”
Anyway, self-deprecation looks good on anyone, so I thought I’d highlight some of my amazing Facebook posts over the course of my first year on Facebook, starting with my very first entry, but first, here is my first bomb profile pic:
10/9/08: Cara Crawford is: “being a farmer”
10/17/08: “is mildly addicted to facebook”
11/10/08: “is accepting applications for part-time office help/part-time combiner for next week when we are partying in vegas” (God brought me the best one ever, Tina)
12/1/09: “is looking for the owner of a german shorthair hunting dog that showed up at our shop” (just being neighborly)
12/16/08: “is filling a viagra prescription for her mom’s dog-never thought I would use that sentence!”
12/30/08: “is ready to hit the slopes!” (look at me, I ski)
2/9/09: “is ready for DDR max 2!” (I was such a gamer)
3/4/09: “is sick of being the only female in a room full of farmers”
3/19/09: “is eating fresh like Jared”
4/1/09: “is wondering how she is going to keep farming virtually on fb farm town when she is actually planting in real life”
4/22/09: “respect your mother…Earth”
4/23/09: “suds for saplings event is tomorrow night. beer and trees…could life possibly get any better!” (yes, yes it could)
5/7/09: “you can still drink sweet old fashions with dentures so who cares” (?)
7/6/09: “Veggies make it happen” (I’m actually gonna steal this from myself-so good, right?!)
8/4/09: “RE: cookie joke gone bad” (no fucking clue)
8/5/09: “Is in waiting room hell-does there always have to be a loud rude telephone talker and misbehaved children that don’t seem to belong to anyone?” (now my husband is the telephone talker and I’m the Mom to THOSE kids)
8/10/09: “Golfed with the senior ladies league this morning-it was pretty much the same as Tuesday league just slower, a lot less profanity, less alcohol, and more rain bonnets” (I’m a dick)
8/14/09: “is running her first ever 5K tomorrow but i am only doing it for the sweet ass t-shirt” (I loved responding to myself in the 3rd person, it was awful)
8/28/09: “really really hates when you go to staple something and the stapler is empty” (same)
9/14/09: “do you know how incredibly difficult it is to be a cyclone and bears fan? HEARTBREAKING!” (same)
9/29/09: “Guess I might as well face it, I cannot throw a frisbee, whistle, or do jumping jacks properly. I can however mean mug like a son of a gun” (still, same)
10/1/09: “Dear owner of the rusty old drunk in dayton, thank you for sharing such a profound bumper sticker; “9 out of 10 women are battered but I prefer mine plain” I am always looking for new and exciting ways to be disgusted”
10/2/09: “Has her first gray hair but I am leaving it because it makes me look distinguished” (f*ckkkkkkkk)
10/6/09: “Is so bored at work that I have decided to vacuum…now that is bored”
Thank you Facebook for chronicling my awesomeness.
-peace, love and social media.
mpoweredstate 