Last night I co-hosted a zoom empowerment call and committed to letting go and finding ways to release the emotional and physical weight of this season, because you know it’s been a shitty fucking season. I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer in November and then COVID rocked the lives of most of the human population earlier this spring.
So, this morning I woke up and told myself nice things that I currently don’t believe but am trying to trick myself into buying. I worked out and then did a post-workout yoga/mobility session because I committed to releasing and I know that stuff works. I didn’t love the yoga because I suck at it, and I have very limited range of motion and apparently shortened ligaments, tight tissues and “open-circuit” faults that make the stretching and strengthening that goes along with yoga, well, shitty.
(currently reading the updated version of Becoming A Supple Leopard by Dr. Kelly Starrett)
So there was the bad yoga, then Gus kicked off the day with a normal tearful breakfast of complaints.
I won this one because I’ve learned not to engage with 3 year olds.
Today I wanted to tackle a huge project and surprise my hard-working hubby when he came home at the end of the day. That was my first mistake, once I have something on my to-do list yet also understand that today we weren’t collectively vibing as a mother-child unit and realize my project isn’t going to actually happen…I revert back to a pouty child myself and become the next worse thing, a pissed parent.
In case you haven’t figured it out. I’m cussing a lot today.
We tried to regroup after “school” and headed outside because that always changes the tone and we even coupled our outdoor time with the added bonus of a good Earth Day deed. We picked up trash from the ditch. We got rained on and one of the garbage bags broke. A helpful child also spilled a half drank muscle milk on my ankle.
I spent most of my summers as a kid, picking up trash out of the ditch because my Mom asked me to. She’d be proud.
Time for lunch! More complaints plus a spill.
I’m above this! I can handle this! Look at me, I’m not even yelling. Just pass the Norwex kitchen towel to the offender and move on.
I requested that the kids write a letter to a friend/pen-pal as well as a family member which elicited more whining. Then we headed outside for another round of trash picking, except it was pouring when we got outside. Everyone back inside. I decided that a concoction of Kerry Gold butter, almond butter, himalayan salt, stevia and cinnamon would constitute a healthy snack, WTF!!!! I mean, that’s not even food. I tackled some dishes and laundry and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Say something kind to yourself. I got nothin’. I am literally wearing the same leggings as I did yesterday….not because I slept in them, but rather, made an actual decision to put the same ones on from yesterday. DISGUSTING. Pull your life together. Go look in your notebook and find something positive to say. I have written down “there is joy to be found in all the sounds that fill your home”, as I tune into the yelling and iPads blaring in the background. I search for another. “SMILE”, surely you can muster a smile. I smile at what looks like a homeless woman staring at me in the mirror and move on.
We head out for another walk, this time we aren’t as focused on the picking up of the trash because Bode wants to go west and Pearl wants to go east to the horses. I really can’t think of any solution so I make the decision to go on a 2.5 mile jaunt with 2 kids on bikes, a kid in the stroller, a bag for trash, carrots for the neighborhood horses, and a dog that likes to poop in increments, in several yards, several times…ya know, in several yards. I thought about pouring wine in my coffee cup but I am still “t-r-y-i-n-g” here so I just pour coffee. I make it to the end of our driveway and Gus starts crying that he wants to hold Sy’s leash and I spill my coffee on my light colored shoes. It’s raining pretty good once we’ve hit the 1 mile mark and the trash bag that is 1/2 full is now leaking in the bottom part of my stroller. Also, WHY does my dog poop so much? I’m a farm girl who never had to pick up dog poop until I was an adult and now that we walk in a neighborhood I have to do it and it really sucks.
The horses don’t come out for the carrots, ya know, because it’s raining. The kids eat them on the way home, I’ll take veggie eating as today’s win.
A friend stops to chat on the side of the road and as I’m complaining through her car window at a 6′ distance the dog gets loose and jumps on her car. C’mon!
Gus fell asleep in the stroller which never happens…could have been the 2.5 miles and that was literally the best part of my day.
Also came home to find a note on my door from the UPS man that I missed my wine delivery.
I would usually have something inspirational to say about how I am going to change shit around tomorrow but I am just not on that level today. So there.
mpoweredstate 