the first

It’s hard to love someone you don’t know….I’m referring to myself here. I am working on self-love, gratitude, being open, and growth. I deeply crave abundance in all of my relationships (I need more fun friends, yo), empowering others and I’d really like to have positive energy flowing like a fucking fountain. So, you see, I have the list of things I am working on and the list of desires but there is still so much to figure out within and I wonder how I can FULLY, truly love myself when I have so much to unpack from my past. I know I should embrace the journey, reflect, meditate, etc, so let me just add that to the list as well. I eat right (save for eating all the pizza), I exercise, I eat my weight in protein and drink my weight in water on the daily. I go to church, do yoga, play with my kids, listen to podcasts, attend motivational events, go to counseling….I’m doing some of the things that should lead to happiness, ease and joy but clearly I am falling short in a boat load of other areas.

I am basically getting ready to get ready for my life. But shouldn’t I be ready by now?! I’m 36, have a college degree, happily married, have a nice home, have 3 beautiful, crazy, thriving children, I even have a dog to complete the scene! It is enough, surely, yet I feel unsettled in my career and my purpose in life. I am also, for the first time feeling a pull to relocate. The sun, I’ve found makes me happy and Illinois doesn’t have it. I like to sit like a dog and bask in the sun’s bright white light and can feel it elevating my mood almost instantly. I’ve been called “moody” a time or a thousand in my life so anything that can help that whole situation would be pretty major.

I am learning, plotting, and now I am writing. Here is what I do know about me; I am a liberal with midwestern values, a smart-ass carebear with a twist of athleisure glam, the rest is up in the air. I also have a horrible habit of missing words when I type, so sorry in advance for that shit. 

Welcome to my open journal of life.